I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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