The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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