i think my tv is drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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