Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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