shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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