just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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