I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
