ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
