Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The best revenge is premature balding
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize