How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize