i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
