got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
