Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
