I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
