I am puke
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
