i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize