im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i would punch a child for taco bell
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
