This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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