So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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