Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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