I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
