I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
