all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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