Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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