don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
