Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
