I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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