I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
