i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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