You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
