im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
