he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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