Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
