my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
