Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
