We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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