My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
