Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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