I faked an abortion last night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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