Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
