i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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