You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
