i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize