he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize