Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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