matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
