I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
