im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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