hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
