A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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