Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
