remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
