Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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