That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
