That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
