I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize