chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we made out on top of his cat.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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