Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
