Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
