I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
