he wants to bone in the snuggie
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
