my vag is so smooth its legendary
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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