If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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