oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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