Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
