I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
