At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
