how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
