I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
