After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
