i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
