I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
