I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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